So in an effort to speed things along and catch up to current day, I’m going to skip most of the details.
After hearing the news about another death in the family, we were completely spent. We prayed… and prayed… and prayed… and finally decided that we needed to keep our family together, make the drive, and start my new job.
Fortunately, my sister came to the rescue one more time and volunteered herself and my nephews to help with the drive. It gave my wife and me several hours of alone time in a 26’ Penske truck driving down the highway.
The drive was smooth for the first 11 hours. The last bit, well, that’s a completely different story.
In short, the truck got wrecked.
This was the “straw that broke the camel’s back.” I had absolutely no strength left.
I got out of the truck and collapsed.
Have you ever prayed for God to reverse time? Just 5 minutes, reverse time and let me change what happened?
Sitting on the ground, fallen. On my knees and broken, I prayed for something different.
I simply couldn’t take any more.
And you know what… God answered my prayer.
God didn’t answer the way I wanted, but certainly the way I needed.
You see, God wanted me to realize that I wasn’t strong enough. God wanted me to realize that I couldn’t do it. But with God, all things are possible.
I was literally on my knees with my face in the pavement begging for something different.
Psalm 23 says that God prepares a “table before me in the presence of my enemies.” And my enemy, at that point, was me.
I thought my strength could push through anything and everything. But my strength left me.
And that was the answer to my prayer.
We finished the drive with a busted truck, unloaded, and unpacked.
It was over. We had moved.
But I didn’t feel relief.
I felt depressed.
I felt alone. Even with my family surrounding me, I felt alone. And I hated it!
God needed to show me that my pitiful strength was nothing. He wanted to me to know where my strength came from.
And when I pulled out of my depression a few days later, it wasn’t anything I did, but the work of God.
Funny thing about depression, though. Even when it’s gone, it still has hooks in your system begging to take you back, but greater is the One who is in me than the one who lives in the world.
So here I am, sitting in Louisiana ready to start my new job.
But God wasn’t done with me yet.
Sure, God pulled me through depression. God kept me employed and provided for my family. God was in control every step of the way, but God also wanted me to know that I knew it.
Does that make sense? God knows all. God doesn’t need to test me to see what I know. But God will test us to let us know what God already knows.
When my insurance told me they wouldn’t cover the damages to the truck… I had no reason to worry.
Will they be more than I can afford? Probably.
When the job fell through and I didn’t actually get the job… I had no reason to worry.
Did I have a backup plan? Yep! Depend on God.
I had all the reasons in the world to sink back into depression, but I didn’t do it.
I had friends and family ask how we could be so calm in such a storm. I know the answer and now you do too.
And last week, I was offered a job in Texas. Did I take it? YES!
Is it part of God’s plan for me and my family? If not, God will take it away and provide something better.
So for the world, I tell you now. You cannot have me!
Depression, I don’t belong to you!
I have been bought with the blood of Jesus Christ and I am His now and forever!
I do not have the strength to make it through this life. I do not have the answers. Heck, I don’t even have the right questions. But I do have God… And God is good all the time.
I know there are a lot of people who suffer from depression. You can’t beat it.
All the psychiatrists and counseling in the world can’t take the hooks of depression out of you. They will be there forever. And when I say forever, I’m pretty certain I mean forever.
Depression is like mold. You can bleach it every now and again and make it look pretty on the outside, but the mold is still there, just waiting to find its way to the surface.
You can feel it inside you digging and burying itself in the deepest regions of your body.
You can sense that at any moment you want to cling to it for comfort and relief… You deserve just one more wallow in self-pity.
Funny, isn’t it? That you would reach to depression for comfort?
I feel the pulling. And in all honesty, I’ve felt it for years.
There’s nothing you can do to beat it. You’re hopeless without help.
I don’t know if you know this or not, but with depression, we like to lock the doors to try and stop the world from interfering with us. We may reach out every now and again, but we do so with doubt and suspicion. It’s like the depression is trying to pull others closer.
If you’ve ever felt this… ever, read John 20:19-28. Click this link and read it. Submerge yourself in the word of God.
You can shut the doors and you can lock the doors, but there is still One who is greater.
Look for my next post to be written from Texas.